I feel waves. Not the gentle or fun waves like those on the beach. Not even rolling waves of happiness when you feel your heart is about to burst with love. But another type of heart-bursting waves. Those dark red and powerful. Like the waves crashing against boulders in the ocean. The pounding, massive strength of the sea crushing the stone bit by bit. Waves pulsating with a trapped force. And the force is trying to get out of me. It is writhing against its confinement, roaring and threatening to unleash itself in a fury which will cause sure and certain devastation. It contains a power within itself and is not afraid to show it or use it. Waves of red. Waves of rage. Waves which are full and can no longer absorb any more the humiliations and pinpricks. Waves which have to throw back out all the garbage that it has received just like the sea which spews back out to us the things that don’t belong. I am like that too. We all are. We are made of the same water, earth and air. We cannot hold in every piece of flower or crap that is thrown at us. We need to sift and throw back out that which does not belong. Which is a task that we are not equipped to do. Because we don’t know how to. We try, we do. And we fail. There is a ton left behind which the waves cant hold back. So now there’s a tsunami rising inside of me threatening to over-run everything. When the wave unleashes itself, it will not distinguish from the good and bad. Everything and everyone in its path will be destroyed and swept away. And i fear that i will lose the good. Fear that bridges may burn. Fear that it is my responsibility to control it. But fear is good for the waves. Fear makes it more unstable. The wave clouds my vision. It encompasses me completely. It begs me for release. It begs me to relinquish control to it. But i know if i do then i will be lost. I need to find a way out. I need to cleanse. I need to wash away the grime and dirt bit by bit till the waves shrink. Bit by bit i need to regain my sanity. Bit by bit i need the light to shine into all my corners and clear the darkness away. And i need to calm the waves. I need to win.